10 Things I Would Do for a Klondike Bar:
1. Wear a dress made out of duct tape.
2. Go to the grocery store in my pajamas.
4. Post a YouTube video of myself chair dancing awesomely to “Mai Ai Hee”.
5. Stand facing the wrong way in the elevator.
6. Go to a fancy restaurant and speak to the server the whole time in a really fake French accent.
7. Approach a total stranger and pretend to know him from high school.
8. Leave my fly open for an entire day.
9. Dye my hair pink. No, blue. No, pink.
10. Do the Polar Bear Plunge in Lake Coeur d’Alene.
10 Things I Would Most Assuredly Not Do for a Klondike Bar:
2. Go bungee jumping.
3. Drink Spang*.
4. Get a tattoo of PeeWee Herman on my thigh.
5. Watch “Hostel”.
6. Streak the Superbowl half-time show.
7. Try out for American Idol.
8. Sit through a Barry Manilow concert.
9. Reread “The Sound and the Fury”.
10. Go anywhere with the Burger King. He’s creepy.
*Spang is a liquid refreshment some friends of mine made up in college. Tang plus Spam, blended until smooth. We actually made this foul concoction once, and took turns tasting it. It was revolting.