I have a black thumb.
I kill things. Growing things. Green growing things.
I don’t mean to, but there it is. My house is the horticultural equivalent of the Bates Motel.
Plants occasionally check in, green and leafy, bursting with all the mysterious power of burgeoning life, only to check out weeks or, in tragic cases, mere days later, dessicated and decaying at the bottom of a Hefty bag.
It’s not like I don’t try. I do.
I water them. Maybe a little too much. Then I worry that they’re looking waterlogged, and I stop watering them. Maybe for too long. Then I see that some of the leaves are dead, and I pinch them off. Maybe too many. Eventually, even the hardiest plant succumbs to my tender loving ministrations.
I give up. For a while. Until one day, a beautiful potted tulip sets my heart to yearning, or a well-meaning friend gifts me with another delicate fern, and the cycle begins again.
What can I say? Hope springs eternal.
Anyway, my gruesome crimes as a mass plant murderer have gone largely unnoticed by the public, since most of them were committed behind closed doors.
Now we have….a yard. With grass, and bushes, and a tree, and weird broken up bits of bark piled all along the sides of the porch. And I’m pretty sure our new neighbors will notice when the soft spring green now shyly peeking up through the soil gives way to a smoking expanse of scorched earth.
I went out yesterday and took photos of some of the things now growing in our precious .17 acres. If you recognize any of them, or can tell me what to do with/to them to keep them from perishing, please leave me a highly detailed and informative message in the comments. Please. Our neighbors’ property values are in your hands.
And just a few more questions:
1) We have a hook for a hanging basket on the front porch. What kind of plants do well up there in the air like that? And can I buy a basket already planted, or will I need to fix it up myself?
2) I noticed weed and seed mix (or was it weed and feed?) on sale at the store. Is that really necessary? And when should I put it on? And how should I put it on? And how often do I need to water our lawn? And why does crabgrass have such an ugly name?
3) How much would it cost to give this whole yard/planting/landscaping thing a pass and hire someone else to do it? Because I am this close to covering the entire shebang with gravel and calling it a zen garden.