I just burned a graham cracker in the microwave.

Remember in college how one bag of microwave popcorn, scorched on the altar of inattentiveness, could clear the whole dorm with its stink? It smells kinda like that. But worse.

You see, I had this chocolate craving. And when I say craving, I mean an unstoppable force, a madness, a desire so strong that ten minutes ago I was shamelessly ransacking my child’s closet in search of an eight-month-old bag of carefully hoarded Halloween candy. No luck.

Then I found the chocolate chips. Just a few, in the bottom of a twisted plastic bag in the back of the cupboard. Right next to the marshmallows. And I had an idea.

Oh, yes. S’mores. In no time, I had laid hands on a graham cracker, which I set on a napkin before arranging the chocolate chips and the marshmallows in a sweet layer on top. Salivating, I placed the whole construction in the microwave and pressed ‘Start’.

I’m not sure what happened. By the time the smell reached me from inside the microwave, it was much too late to stop its putrid tentacles from creeping into every nook and cranny of the apartment. I tried. I whisked the smoking mess, napkin and all, into a trash bag, which I tied up and removed immediately to the dumpster outside. When I came back in, the smell almost knocked me over, and for while I was very busy–lighting candles, opening windows, spraying air freshener, and mentally adding graham crackers to the List of Things Not to Put in the Microwave.

Then I called Paul and asked him to bring home some ice cream.

See? I do have some good ideas.


10 responses »

  1. My thought was that maybe subconsciously you were trying to eliminate your chocolate craving by intentionally burning the smore. Maybe not though if the smell didn’t deter you… πŸ™‚ I had a major craving for chocolate chip ice cream earlier this week and was ever so thankful when the Schwans man showed up at my door – and had chocolate chip ice cream on his truck πŸ™‚ My van is on the outs so I wasn’t able to take myself to the grocery store to satisfy my evil craving. So far, I’ve only had one helping, but I cannot really say how much I ate since I sat down with a spoon and container…oh well!

    In my personal system of calorie counting, if you bypass the bowl, you don’t have to count it at all. Ben and Jerry’s is just the right size, in my opinion.

  2. At least you didn’t try to start a camp fire in your living room to roast your marshmallows. That could have caused a whole nother problem!

    Yay! You said “a whole nother”! Welcome to the dark side of grammar… (MuahahahaHA!)

  3. I greedily grabbed a giant bag of mixed Hershey’s yesterday, intending to hoover them while the kids slept but then I forgot about the chocolate when we went swimming and left it in the 100+ degree car.

    Sometimes there is intervention for our cravings. Not often, just sometimes.

    I am ashamed to admit this, but I probably would have put the melted chocolate in the freezer and then eaten them anyway! So what if I ate a few wrappers–fiber, right?

  4. i did that with coconut once. i forget exactly what i had in on or in, but it definately reeks when nuked. (As a bonus, my mom was on the phone at the time in the next room over on business-y stuff, and had to try and carry on a normal conversation in spite of the stench..)

  5. Did you ask Paul to bring home chocolate ice cream??

    It was Cookies and Cream; the perfect chocolate to vanilla ratio. The good news: it was “light” ice cream, so I ate two bowls instead of one!

  6. Lol! that was funny. Sad though that you did not get your smores fixed. I never did get smores. It’s just not my thing. I’m more of a milky way kind of person.

  7. To me, chocolate is bliss! The ultimate treat and reward. I’ve been depriving myself lately because I’ve been trying to lose some weight, but just the thought of a Mr. Goodbar or m&m’s….I can almost taste it!

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