Tug of War


I’ve been a Christian almost my whole life. From the time I could talk, I’ve been talking to God. From the day I could read, I’ve been reading His word. I’ve seen amazing, life-changing things happen in His name, and my life has been transformed by Him.

Even so, I’ve gone through seasons of heartache, of doubt, of forgetfulness, of despair. I’ve had moments when I looked up at the sky and wondered if Anyone at all was looking back at me. Times when I couldn’t hear His voice in all the clamor of the world, or see His face in the unfriendly crowd around me. Times when the suffocating weight of trials seemed about to snuff out my faith for good. Finally, the tiny, frightened question would escape my heart and whisper itself into the empty air: “Am I alone?”

Every single time, God spoke the answer: “NO, you’re not alone. I’m here.”

Sometimes His voice was quiet, coming in like the breeze, a gradually dawning awareness that the light was a little brighter, the darkness a little less oppressive, the end of the tunnel in sight. Sometimes it was loud, a sudden, booming answer to prayer, a rescue unlooked for and overwhelming in its completeness. Every time, it came with the realization that He had been there all along, holding back the flood that threatened to to drown me, fighting for me, pulling me closer to Him.

If you haven’t experienced that rescue, then this video might not touch you as it touched me. I was crying by the end. And I am so, SO thankful for the One who rescued me.

*this sketch was performed at Winterfest in Knoxville, TN. The song is “Everything” by Lifehouse.


15 responses »

  1. I have chills.

    That is a beautiful demonstration of what our relationship with God can be, has been and should be.

    Thank you for sharing.

  2. You know, I usually roll my eyes at Christian drama because it tends to be on the cheesy side, but this one…well, I was all teary eyed by the end. So powerful.

    And now I need to get that Lifehouse song on iTunes!

  3. Buddhists believe that the very universe itself rings with the Truth of a higher power.

    Baha’is see the unity of all peoples and all religions as evidence of a kind and loving God.

    Even the Norsemen believed that the Perfect Earth was created when the gods sacrificed themselves and in doing so transformed the world into their gift to man.

    I think that what touched me about that was the universality of the truths pantomimed on the stage. In all things there are great joys to be found, and too, traces of God.

    We are so often distracted by taking in the human components and visions imposed on the otherwise divinity of creation.

    Buddhists say to experience the universe for itself. Baha’is believe in understanding the unity of people and the world to achieve a greater awareness of every action.

    The Norse believed in dying an honorable death to earn the right to join their gods in the battle that would cleanse the world forever.

    And I knew an old football coach once who had just one rule: “Do right.”

    The joy/love/God is always right there. You just have to embrace it.

  4. Amazing. What a touching representation of the struggle we have everyday. And when the crowd cheered her on as she fought her way back to Christ…wow! And there he was wanting her, hurting for her, loving her, protecting her. Isn’t that just like him?!? šŸ™‚

    PS–I owe you one for making me cry so early in the morning.

  5. Wow, powerful. The lies of the world pull at us, and only Jesus can overcome the world. We just have to ask for his help, cus he’s always there, waiting for us to ask. He waits for us to run to him but he never forces us to follow him, it’s up to us. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Wow. That was so profound and so incredibly moving. what a tremendous representation. I’ll have to make sure LM sees this, too. Thanks, Katrina.

  7. After everyone loves it, a criticism–it’s so violent. I guess I didn’t feel like I needed to see her take the knife and start to slit her wrists. But it is very dramatic and beautiful. I’m uber sensitive about suicidal stuff and I guess it was sort of important to show how hopeless she was…but a warning would have been useful. It’s more than PG-13.

    (file me in “you can’t please all the people all the time”)



  8. Every time I watch this, I get overwhelmed by the very real struggle going on for our souls, one that it is so easy to forget about.
    When I first watched it on GodTube, I bawled (besides, Lifehouse is one of my favorite bands). Then I found it again on Spiritually Unequal Marriage. And bawled, but with a heart fillled with joy at the same time.
    Now, after browsing through your blog, I find it again, and must be getting slightly conditioned, because I’m typing with a smile on my face and only a few tears running down my cheeks.
    What a powerful representation of the battle He fights for us. Thank you for posting this!

  9. Kendra–thanks for the comment! You’re right–the danger really lies in forgetting that the struggle is really happening, every day, for us and everyone around us. Apathy, not doubt, is the real enemy of faith. I’ve been so inspired by reading your blog and witnessing your transformation day by day. Thanks for sharing your story so openly!

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