Upchucked

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I spent yesterday with my head hanging in the toilet, wishing I was dead.

So how was your day?

It started at about 4:30 in the morning, when I awoke to the unnatural sensation of two large fists thumb wrestling inside my gut and took off running for the bathroom. I made it. Just.

By 6:30, I was writhing around in agony, mentally going through the list of what I’d eaten the day before, trying to figure out whether it was the Wendy’s chili or the leftover baked beans that had done me in. Eventually, I decided it must be the flu, and prayed that it was the 24-hour kind. Paul, the picture of loving support, called in to work so he could stay home and take care of me.

When I wasn’t in the bathroom, I was passed out on the couch in varying degrees of consciousness. I have hazy memories of Caleb jumping on the couch next to me and Paul fixing food and doing dishes (he is great, isn’t he?) At one point, I noticed that “Yo Gabba Gabba” was on TV, but was too weak to change the channel! That was when I knew I was dying, after all.

By noon, my stomach was empty, but that didn’t stop the party. I was dry heaving so hard I fully expected to see one or all of my internal organs pop out, sucked along by the extreme vacuum force of my spasms. My head was pounding and my body felt like someone had driven a truck over it, then backed up and done it again.

To keep myself hydrated, I sipped Diet 7-Up. It tasted good going down, but came back up about five minutes later. In all honesty, it was one of the most pleasant puking experiences of the day. At least there were no chunks.

And so the day passed, in a blur of aches, heaves, sleep and spew, punctuated by a steady stream of sickbed whining on my part (“Oh, my stomach hurts!” “I feel horrible…” “It’s too hot/cold/noisy/bright in here!” “Can I have some water?” “Would you rub my back?” “I think I’m dying.” And so on.)

Eventually, I was able to keep down some water and a cup of cream of tomato soup that Paul made me (that’s what my mom always gave us when we were sick.) My stomach was still roiling, but by the time we went to bed, I was pretty sure I was over the worst of it. I slept like a rock.

Today, I feel like a new person. The thumb wresting fists have stopped, and all my internal organs are still in place, as far as I know. I’m exhausted, but I’m not in the mood to complain. After all, 24 hours ago I thought I wasn’t long for this world.

I’m still a little sore, but in a good way. It turns out that throwing up is a great abs workout.

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17 responses »

  1. I’m with Amy Lu. Something about the way you described ‘chunks’ and ‘dry heaving’ gave me sympathy and not the urge to join you!!!

    So glad you’re feeling better. Any, just FYI, the next time the flu attacks, get Paul to go buy you a bottle of Emetrol – it’s your best friend when you’ve been puking all day! I take it when I hit the heaving portion of the day, and it usually settles my stomach with only 1 or 2 doses. Just be sure you’re body has rid itself of whatever it doesn’t want first! Otherwise you’ll take the entire bottle and get no where with feeling better.

    Hugs 🙂

  2. I’m sorry your were sick. And I’m glad you are feeling better. But that was your grossest blog ever, chunks and all! Is there a blog award for that? 🙂

  3. Very Lady Jen the Harmonious–My grossest blog ever? That’s awesome! Do I get a ribbon? ‘Cuz I think I should. (I mean, considering that it beat out the potty training, poop-under-the-bed post and the toddler vomit post, that’s pretty impressive!)

  4. By the way, Amy Lu, I’m afraid he doesn’t come in CD-compatible format, since I wrote a lot of the program myself. (Heehee–now I just have to make sure he doesn’t read this!) 🙂

  5. You looked much better yesterday, as I had the pleasure of meeting you again with your youngest I’m assuming. Thamks for dropping by again and I hope you enjoyed the small jar of Jam, more is in your future if you like it. The Stickman

  6. I happen to remember vividly the story of the toddler poop hiding and deem IT the grossest blog you have ever written. 😉 I am glad you are feeling better and feel bad for noting that I haven’t been sick in over a year. Am I blessed or what?! Glad you were soothed and comforted by your hubby. Good man, that Paul.

  7. soooooo…Did you have a party in your tummy? Did your carrots want to party in your tummy? Or did all that just end up partying in the toilet? 🙂

    Yo Gabba Gabba is like going back in time to the 70s but with hiphop.

  8. So glad you are back in the land of the settled internal organs!

    I should have cottoned on that *perhaps* this post was not the best accessory to my early morning sausage biscuit from McD’s with the title of “Upchucked” … . On the plus side, you have saved my thighs from a few extra calories today! Thank you, friend!

  9. I’m down here in Oregon, Katrina, and I have gone thru virtually the same thing as you…I basically crawled back and forth between the bedroom & bathroom and slept on the floor because I was too dizzy to get up off the floor and actually get into bed. And, like you, I upchucked. We must be psychic-sympathetic illness mongerers. I hope we BOTH feel better!

  10. Sorry to hear you were sick, too, IE! There’s nothing to reduce a grown man or woman to a whimpering four year old like a bad bout with the Martian Death Flu. I hope it will be a while before we’re struck again!

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