5 Things I’ve Learned Today


1) Those signs on the gas pump that say: “Please don’t top off your gas tank!” are there for a reason. Does anyone know how to get a petroleum stain out of gabardine?

2) I’m not low-maintenance like I’ve always thought. In point of fact, I am an undulating, mutating, inexplicable bundle of moods and neuroses. My husband deserves a medal.

3) You can teach a four year old to spit, but you can’t make him stop.

4) The statistical likelihood that company will unexpectedly drop in to visit you is inversely proportional to the cleanliness of your living room.

5) Only a fool buys an eight year old a joke book.


7 responses »

  1. Drat, I just lost my comment!!

    Okay, here goes:

    #1: DO NOT WASH THE ITEM. Oil and water don’t mix…I blogged about this. Give me a minute to drag it ou of the archives. HANG IT OUTSIDE for a few days and the oil will evaporate. Then think about the stain. NOT before.

    #2 When people tell me I’m lo-maint, I say, “except for when I’m not.”

    #3, #5 I’m laughing with you…oh you’re not laughing…

    #4 I’m WAY overdue for company, then.

  2. Hehe, I so did number 4… the jokes are only funny the first time… by the fourth or fifth round I’m ready to have that book “mysteriously” vanish. Too bad she committed most of them to memory, I guess…

  3. oh, the jokes will live on forever. LM used to get joke books at the school book fair and come home reading them to me for hours. OH MY. Give them a time when they can tell you their favorite joke of the day (JUST ONE) and then laugh to just that one and be done.

    Just the other day I was realizing that I’m seriously low maintenance, but so low that I think I should actually care a bit more than I do. Oh my.

  4. Oh no! The dreaded joke book! We’re getting something even worse- the jokes picked up at school, involving people named harry Weiner, etc.


  5. Wait, you’re mutating? Can you steal other mutants’ powers? Can you read minds? Do you have pegasus wings strapped beneath your clothes?

    Because any of the above would be awe to the some.

  6. I’m afraid I’m like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally: “You’re the worst kind. You’re high-maintenance but you think you’re low-maintenance.”

  7. Um… what have I been telling you for years? Embrace your high maintenance-ness. I do. And yes, our husbands do deserve medals.

    Joke books are never a good idea.

    Little boys will spit.

    Don’t try to get the gas out… let it evaporate.

    I love you more than my luggage!

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