1) Those signs on the gas pump that say: “Please don’t top off your gas tank!” are there for a reason. Does anyone know how to get a petroleum stain out of gabardine?
2) I’m not low-maintenance like I’ve always thought. In point of fact, I am an undulating, mutating, inexplicable bundle of moods and neuroses. My husband deserves a medal.
3) You can teach a four year old to spit, but you can’t make him stop.
4) The statistical likelihood that company will unexpectedly drop in to visit you is inversely proportional to the cleanliness of your living room.
5) Only a fool buys an eight year old a joke book.