Bald is Beautiful

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It seems Britney Spears is taking a lot of flack from fans and industry professionals alike over her radical new hairstyle.

Or make that “no-hair style.”

The volume of the outcry, a mixed bag of concern, cackling, and condemnation, puts the importance of Britney’s follicular status roughly on par with that of Iran’s nuclear proliferation, the escalating showdown between Democratic presidential nominees, or the re-introduction of New Coke into the world’s soft drink supply*. Hearing the breathless coverage of this development, anyone might wonder if the sun is even going to go on rising if it has to face the specter of reflecting its rays off of Britney’s newly polished dome.

As for me, I have to confess a teeny, tiny bit of jealousy.

Ever since that bald chick stepped onscreen in the original Star Trek movie, I’ve harbored a secret desire to shave my head. I came dangerously close to doing it in my late teens, when my fascination with non-lethal rebelliousness was at its peak. Years passed and I thought I had finally squashed the urge, but then Demi Moore came along in G.I. Jane to prove once more that hair is optional.

Those of you who have never had long hair may not understand the temptation, the allure of letting your naked scalp breathe the air at last. My hair, though appreciated by Paul, is a constant, low-grade irritant to me. Here are some things I don’t love about it:

~its propensity for coming unfastened from my scalp and depositing itself all over the place, from the back of my sweaters, to the inside of the car, to the stubble on my husband’s chin. I shed like a Pomeranian in July.

~its unwillingness to conform itself to anything resembling a style, or indeed to even maintain the appearance of having been recently brushed, despite all efforts to the contrary.

~its habit of flying around and hanging in my face whenever my hands are full and I can’t brush it out of the way. There’s nothing like getting strands of your hair stuck in your wet lipstick when you’ve got two kids and an armful of groceries to maneuver into the car on a windy day.

It gets pulled when I play with the kids. It gets wound up in the vacuum brush. It catches bits of fluff and smidges of various substances which stick to it, unseen by me, until some kind soul comes up and fishes them out.

Now imagine the hairless life: long rides in the car with the windows down and no tangles, cool breezes flowing over your bare head on warm summer days, turning over in bed without having to sweep your hair out behind you and rearrange it on the pillow. How lovely.

So why don’t I do it? With so many reasons to hate my hair, why don’t I just shave it off like I’ve always dreamed?

Two problems:

1) Paul would cry.

2) I’ve done some checking, and I’m pretty sure that I have a bumpy, weird-shaped head. Let’s face it. It’s one thing for Demi Moore to go bald. It’s another thing altogether for us mere mortal women.

Anyway, I never thought I’d say this, but Britney, I salute you. Long may you shine.

*Don’t panic. I just threw in that last one to see if you were paying attention.

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15 responses »

  1. Your blog is not only entertaining, it’s informational! I haven’t watched tonight’s ET (or the last 2 days for that matter), so I had no idea this had occurred. I’m wondering about the sun myself 🙂

    As for shaving your head, please don’t. As soon as that first strip of hair was missing, you’d wish to God that you hadn’t done it and, at that point, there would be no turning back! I, on the other hand, have never had the urge to shave my head. *Maybe it’s because I watched my mother’s hair fall out in handfulls, shortly after her 2nd chemo treatment, or maybe it’s because I watched it grow back in, unevenly (and apparently it itches like all get-out!), but I’ve never had the urge to experiment with my hair, or maybe the lack of hair. I did cut it off only 3 weeks after my wedding, but that only lasted for about a year before coming to my senses and growing it back out. Michael calls photos of those years “My wife, Paul McCartney”. Now, I just as soon let it get stuck in my lipstick, pulled by the kiddos, or blown in all directions; my hair will stay on my head as long as I have any say in the matter!

    *Sorry if that was sort of a downer; it wasn’t meant to be. Just trying to make a point as to why I wouldn’t EVER shave it off…

  2. Not a downer at all, Jennifer! I watched my mom-in-law lose her hair to chemo, too, and go through all the wig-wearing and itching and finally, that wonderful day when it was long enough for her to feel comfortable going out, getting compliments about how gamine she looked, like Audrey Hepburn. 😀 I definitely think that losing your hair through no choice of your own would be traumatic. I hope I didn’t sound like I was making light of it. 😉

    Don’t worry–I don’t think I’ll ever follow through with the razor. It’s just a little fantasy I allow myself from time to time…lol.

  3. 1) i WAS paying attention and panicked over the news that another NEW Coke was coming.

    2) how come paul can do it and caleb can do it, but you can’t?

    3) how about shaving just a strip off underneath, like at the base of your hairline from ear to ear, just to see what it would feel like? i had a friend in college who did that ’cause her hair was so incredibly thick. it looked cute when she put her remaining hair in a ponytail and you couldn’t tell it was missing when it was down.

    4)breezes are nice but you would have to watch out for sunburn.

    5) when did you have time to blog with my kids running around with your kids. hmmmmm. unsupervised chaos.

    6) most importantly, until you decide to buzz it (if ever), keep your head out from under the vacuum.

  4. Oh, Katrina I soooooo hear you! This is a secret fantasy of mine too! My daughter and I often talk about how we wish it was normal for women to be bald! Imagine the money we would save on hair styling products!

  5. Do you happen to watch the Amazing Race? Last year (or a couple ago, I can’t remember which season now) a gorgeous African-American woman had to shave her head for a challenge. she did it, through tears, but she did it, and her hair was so long!! She’s back this season for an All-Stars race and her hair is still really short, but I so envied her when she cut it (although I would have cried, too). I would have an ugly, pale head, but I long as you do for the carefree life of no hair at all to deal with!!

    The closest I come is every 3 years I cut it off and donate it to Locks of Love, but it’s still at least past my ears when I do that!

    P.S. To Jennifer and Katrina, I had no idea both of your mothers went through chemo, too. Oh the things we all have in common!

  6. Amy – I am an avid Amazing Race watcher and was glad to see them back this season! Thanks to CBS running over with the prior show, we only got 1/2 of the first show for this season, so, yet again, Michael is searching the web to download the full episode. I can’t wait to see what happens this season!!!

    Katrina – I didn’t take your wishful thinking as anything but that. I knew what you meant 🙂 But let me reiterate, please don’t take a razor to your head! Your hair is so pretty…

  7. Britney’s definitely either brave or really dumb. I can’t say I’m envious of her. I don’t know what I’d do without my hair. I’ll admit I’ve thought (not seriously) many times about just shaving it all off — especially when it’s really windy or really hot. My hair’s my trademark, though, and I think our hair might be pretty similar.

    You can’t shave off a trademark! (I realize you probably won’t be shaving it off, but just saying.) 🙂

  8. Whew! I’m glad I’m not the only one who appreciates the baldness. Shocking, but…wow.

    I, too, undertand the hair. Mine is well past the small of my back and it’s a hassle 9 times out of 10. But, being that I’ve cut my hair off to my ears (twice!) I realise that my hair is just more unruly the shorter it gets. So, I’m stuck with having to just deal with it long. I suppose it could be worse.

  9. i have had hair to my waist and i have had hair that was less than one inch long all over.

    i LOVE my hair short, but because of my husband, i probably won’t ever have it like that again. i just wear it in an eternal ponytail.

  10. The hair stays. Otherwise, I have nothing to hide behind apart from my semi opaque badass facade. Which has several giant tears in it.

  11. Well, what a topic. I’ll tell you what…Good for her! I loved being bald, despite the chemo treatments. When they say you lose most of your body heat through your head, they were’t kidding. Though I had no choice at the time, being bald kept me cooled down. Now that my hair is back, it is very thick.
    I think about shaving it again. My head was a good shape for it. I think God planned it that way! Alas, my husband likes my hair and though he was ok with the bald thing when we had to, really doesn’t want to go there agian.
    Being bald taught me a lot about what is important in life. Some people spend so much time in front of the mirror worrying about each hair being in place and not enough time worry about the souls of their fellow man.
    But, I say… if it is something you want to do, try it! Hair grows back. It’s only been two years since chemo and I have a tone of it!
    Just my thoughts having been there. Bald is great

  12. The hair–there are a ton of theories…but I know one thing: since mine is long again, I get compliments constantly from folks that remember it short.

    And I was scared about New Coke–ack ack ack!

  13. New Coke? AGAIN? Did they not learn anything the first time??

    As for being bald…eh…not so much a dream for me. Though contending with natural curly hair certainly leaves me wishing I could pull it all out at times, I’m overall happy with long locks. Short curly hair on me and I’d look like a boy. Fer real.

  14. I, a semi-intelligent, somewhat cultured, fairly mature middle-aged man cannot not take my eyes off of the melodrama that is Britney Spears. I haven’t seen any of her life’s melodrama on tv. I read about it on line. I’m rooting for her eventually to triumph.

    The weird thing? I like how she looks with her hair shaved. The shaved look gives accent to her eyes, as sad and benumbed as they are nowadays, and her eyes flatter her.

    For the record, Britney does not excite my lust. I don’t like her music. I do not enjoy her as a stage entertainer. I just can’t seem to resist her story as if unfolds and can’t seem to stop pulling for her, hoping that this blue collar girl experienced too much fame too fast can even out and live a mature and satisfying adulthood.

    By the way, I’ve seen many women around Eugene who have shaved or nearly shaved their heads. I’m all for it.

    Lastly, thanks for your interest in my blog. I’m glad we are both visiting each other’s prose joint on a regular basis. It’s fun having you over to kelloggbloggin and I enjoy this place a lot.
    rp

  15. Britney shaved her head!?!?!?!? Woah! And in my hometown, no less!! (Named for Tarzan – no joke!) Wow! Where the heck have I been!?
    *** crawls back under rock ***

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