Free the Gnomes


This week in Limoges, France, nearly eighty garden gnomes which had been recently liberated from local patios and lawns were discovered taking in the beautiful fall scenery along the banks of a stream on the grounds of Donjon de Vez. This is just the latest in a wave of gnome liberation efforts which are sweeping the globe as civil rights proponents are made aware of the mistreatment and exploitation suffered by these tiny but resilient ceramic persons.

The Garden Gnome Liberation Front (or GGLF) is an international crusade comprised of groups around the world that fight to end the slavery and oppression of these shy and gentle woodland creatures, torn from their natural habitat and forced to adorn the lawns, porches, and gardens of their human overlords.

From Wikipedia: “The Garden Gnome Liberation Front is largely an underground movement as their primary methods of liberation often subvert local trespass and property laws. A separate but related group, Free the Gnomes, is the legitimate political wing of the subversive Garden Gnome Liberation Front. As a political advocacy group, they seek to further the rights of gnomes around the world through legal, non-violent means. The fundamental premise of this and most Garden Gnome Liberation groups is that Gnomes, like humans, have an inalienable right to freedom. Forcing Gnomes to stand in gardens without just compensation and against their free will, for the sake of ornamentation is, to these groups, immoral. The largest of these groups is the French MENJ (Mouvement d´Émancipation des Nains de Jardin).”

I had no idea. How could such flagrant violations of freedom and equality go unchecked right in my own backyard? Now that your eyes have been opened, perhaps you, like me, are wondering what you can do to further the cause of liberty and fair treatment for our gnome brothers. The interests of these diminutive individuals are being trampled underfoot! Can we stand idly by and let that happen?

I can’t.

I won’t.

And you don’t have to, either. You can make a difference:

1) If you own any garden gnomes, set them free. They prefer wooded areas with lots of foraging possibilities. If you live in the city, consider releasing them into a large park or, if you’ve exhausted all other possibilities, a McDonald’s Playland.

2) If you find a gnome in captivity, alert Free The Gnomes by following the directions on this webpage. If they succeed in securing the release of the oppressed gnome, you will be notified and receive a nifty T-shirt of solidarity.

3) Join in boycotts and trade embargoes of known gnome traffickers, such as Home Depot and non-GGLF-compliant local gardening supply stores.

Together, we can stamp out gnome persecution.

Just be careful to watch where you’re stamping.


6 responses »

  1. I am proud to say that I have never owned an gnome. Who knew that I was furthering the cause of civil rights?! And they look so much happier in the park.

  2. My mother lives along with my grandmother in a “Senior” mobile home park. My mom is only 65. She says the place is completely dead and quiet by 5 o’clock everyday and she hates it because she’s an active person. I had to forward her this post because she, like myself, thinks this just might get some movement there once gnomes become ‘freed’. There must be a million gnomes at this place! lol. I can’t wait to see what happens!

  3. Oh I had no idea! The guilt I feel right now is overwhelming, I must atone for the gnome I once had standing in my flower bed.

  4. *wiping away tears of mirth*

    Oh, this made me laugh. I needed a good chuckle this morning. If I see any gnomes, they shall be freed.

  5. Gnomes weird me out completely. My grandmother is German and apparently Germans are big fans of Gnomes as I get them as gifts often. So they stay covered up, in a box, in the dark corner of the attic. Guess I’m abusing them.

    Set them free? Okay, I’ll dump them off into the woods next time I drive by some.

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