With thanks to my fellow Katrina for the tag, I now present 5 strange confessions:
1) I have always nurtured a secret fantasy of being a real, live superhero. I would love to fly around in a cape, rescuing innocents and smiting bad guys with my super powers. Unfortunately, radioactive spiders and free-floating gamma rays aren’t very common in real life. Instead, I settle for playing World of Warcraft, an online role-playing game where I am a fiercely powerful night elf druid, protecting Azeroth from the ravages of the evil Horde. It’s almost the same thing.
2) I like imagining my funeral. Ideally, there would be dancing, and really great food, like Cyrus O’Leary’s turtle cheesecake. And maybe some fireworks. Everyone can be sad later on their own time. It’s my day, and I’m going to be celebrating my homecoming! When I try to explain this to Paul, he doesn’t want to talk about it. Weird.
3) I get a shameful little thrill out of snarky internet feuds. It’s amazing to me that two complete strangers, upon meeting each other in cyberspace, can somehow generate so much animosity toward one another that, within minutes, they are flaming each other with an outlandish assortment of insults and accusations that they wouldn’t dream of saying to anyone in real life, and usually over nothing more substantial than a difference of opinion. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying it makes good theatre.
4) If I knew it wouldn’t make people stare at me, I’d be sorely tempted to shave my head. I shed like a long-haired cat, and I’m constantly having to sweep and dust and vacuum to keep my hair from taking over our home. But if I shaved off my hair, my housework would be cut in half. And that’s saying nothing of the personal comfort issues. Imagine it: never having to shampoo, or detangle, or condition, or comb, or fix! I could ride fast in a convertible without getting hair in my mouth, and motorcycle helmets would fit perfectly. Of course, I’d probably have to invest in more sunscreen. Everything has a down side, I guess.
5) Whenever I go to the bathroom, I check under the toilet seat for spiders before I sit down. It’s just common sense.