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With thanks to my fellow Katrina for the tag, I now present 5 strange confessions:

1) I have always nurtured a secret fantasy of being a real, live superhero. I would love to fly around in a cape, rescuing innocents and smiting bad guys with my super powers. Unfortunately, radioactive spiders and free-floating gamma rays aren’t very common in real life. Instead, I settle for playing World of Warcraft, an online role-playing game where I am a fiercely powerful night elf druid, protecting Azeroth from the ravages of the evil Horde. It’s almost the same thing.

2) I like imagining my funeral. Ideally, there would be dancing, and really great food, like Cyrus O’Leary’s turtle cheesecake. And maybe some fireworks. Everyone can be sad later on their own time. It’s my day, and I’m going to be celebrating my homecoming! When I try to explain this to Paul, he doesn’t want to talk about it. Weird.

3) I get a shameful little thrill out of snarky internet feuds. It’s amazing to me that two complete strangers, upon meeting each other in cyberspace, can somehow generate so much animosity toward one another that, within minutes, they are flaming each other with an outlandish assortment of insults and accusations that they wouldn’t dream of saying to anyone in real life, and usually over nothing more substantial than a difference of opinion. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying it makes good theatre.

4) If I knew it wouldn’t make people stare at me, I’d be sorely tempted to shave my head. I shed like a long-haired cat, and I’m constantly having to sweep and dust and vacuum to keep my hair from taking over our home. But if I shaved off my hair, my housework would be cut in half. And that’s saying nothing of the personal comfort issues. Imagine it: never having to shampoo, or detangle, or condition, or comb, or fix! I could ride fast in a convertible without getting hair in my mouth, and motorcycle helmets would fit perfectly. Of course, I’d probably have to invest in more sunscreen. Everything has a down side, I guess.

5) Whenever I go to the bathroom, I check under the toilet seat for spiders before I sit down. It’s just common sense.

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18 responses »

  1. 1. You are a super hero in my book.
    2. I know of 4 chicks who, if you go before us, will do the best we can to make you proud. I’ll even bring the sushi!
    3. How dare you get pleasure out of other people’s pain! The nerve of some people!! (Does that start a fued?)
    4. I am so with you on the shaved head idea. Maybe if we do it together we will be less conspicuous–or maybe we’d be more.
    5. Spiders hide under toilet seats?!?! Thanks for the warning.

  2. Hmmm..I check for snakes in the toilet, not spiders. Now I’ll just have to spend even more time observing the toilet I’m about to use.

    Snarky comments between bloggers is always fun. Then I add my two cents…anonymously.

  3. 1. what does the name “Godwin” have to do with accusations and/or internet feuds?

    2. who has a convertible that you’ve been riding around with? i want to go and i don’t mind getting my hair in my mouth. i might mind getting yours in my mouth, though. hmmmmmm. nope, i want to go.

    3. oh please tell me you haven’t checked under my toilet seats.

  4. Yes, all who read this should consider themselves tagged!

    Kathy, I have actually checked under your toilet seats before sitting. But don’t worry, I wasn’t shocked. I live with boys, too, you know.

  5. Two guys in my office are WoW fanatics and I always thought it was just a sci-fi geeky thing (that my son would perhaps LOVE) but you?!! I never would have guessed!!

    And don’t go bald. As practical as it may seem, those beautiful locks of yours are precious!!

    now I’m going to have to clean my toilets even more often than I do for fear that someone who visits might be checking for spiders! Oh my!

  6. I’m with you on the funeral. I like to know everyone’s wishes and I want EVERYONE to know mine. So help me if someone tries to put me in a coffin– cremation is my preference.

  7. I think everyone secretly desires to be a superhero. That’s why movie swith superpowers are so popular. Sometimes when I’m in the wilds I imagine I can fly. I even picture it.
    You may not be a “super hero” but you are definately “super” and you’re my “hero”.

  8. That is icky … having a spider crawl at you while you do your thing … eeekkkk! I get goosebumps or shivers just thinking about it.

  9. Wow. I had no idea about the funeral. I think that is the only one I didn’t know about you. I will do my best to make sure that happens (as long as I am still around. heh). I would love to celebrate your homecoming that way, even though it will kill me to be without you. 😦

    As for the snarking internet friends? Oh my goodness do I have a forum for you! heh Then again, I want us to remain best friends, so maybe not. I don’t want you to be ashamed of me. heh

    It isn’t spiders you need to worry about in the toilets, it is alligators. Baby alligators. They live in the sewer lines you know. Scary things.

    Have I told you lately that I love you?

  10. Oh my goodness…too freakin’ funny.

    Good to know on the spiders thang. Yuck. No wonder men stand up.

    LOL about the internet feuds. I always feel like I should pop some popcorn and settle in for some laughs on some sites.

  11. Okay, I’m an attorney and I have read hundreds if not tens of cases about toilets and you’re right, it makes sense to check for spiders! Especially in outdoor toilet situations (rest stops and the like). Some bad things have happened! Bad things.

    It is also a good idea to perfect the hovering technique. All the girls in my office now know to hover. Very important.

    You might also want to check for glue. There once was a guy who was glued to his seat at the Home Depot. Not good.

    (Of course, we calloused attorneys laugh hysterically about these cases and exclaim, “Why didn’t you hover? You’ve GOT to hover!”)

  12. Jan, you have inspired me to be even more diligent in my pre-potty inspection of public toilet seats. The spectre of being humiliatingly glued to a toilet seat and having my picture posted on the blog of some glue removal specialist is not a pretty one.

  13. Kat – I LOVE the funeral thing. When my mother passed away, we knew she’d kill us all (no pun intended) if we made it a sad time. So, even with the memories and a few tears, we rejoiced knowing where she was, and that she was dancing up a storm in her skinny body (she always said that when she died, she knew she’d be tall & skinny 🙂 )!!! I want the same thing…lots of laughs, dancing, and I like the fireworks idea!

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