I admit, my blogging has slowed down a little in the past few weeks. My apologies to my eight faithful readers; I’ll send you a canned ham this Christmas to make it up to you.

I was standing in the shower this morning, trying to figure out where my inspiration has gone. The shower, being the conduit of all my truest musings and revelations, had an answer.

I haven’t blogged in a while because, simply put, the stuff swirling around in my head lately doesn’t readily lend itself to being expressed on the lighthearted, inconsequential sort of wife and mommy blog that I have constructed here. It is dismaying, opinionated, frightening, and unsanitized. In short, you probably won’t like it, and writing it down may not help me or you. You should probably come back for my next post, which I promise will be about something nice, like brownies.

I worry about the culture wars, about the growing number of people who say “evangelical Christian” like it’s a curse word, as if we are a poison or a plague, a blight that must be eradicated in the name of human progress. I see Political Correctness, a movement that I’m sure was born in kindness, grown into a surly teenager, run amok and unable to see reason or logic. And I wonder how long it will be before a law is passed forbidding me to teach my children my “intolerant” attitudes toward sin, or the “ridiculous” notion of absolute truth. I worry about winning the hearts and the minds of my son and daughter in a world of self-serving morality that promises everything and delivers emptiness.

My heart aches for the families around me, struggling to hold together. Inside and outside of the church, divorce claims so many marriages. It seems to strike like lightning, indiscriminately and out of the blue. I know that’s not true, but problems inside a marriage often go unseen until they’re so big it feels like a miracle would be required to overcome them. Maybe because Paul and I have grappled with our own marital devastation and come through on the other side, I feel more keenly the desire to do something, to help somehow. I just don’t know how.

I feel overwhelmed by what is happening in the Middle East. As headlines come and go, everything seems to be building towards some global showdown, and I don’t feel prepared. The more I read and see and study, the more obvious it is to me that there are vast populations of people in the world whose worldview and mindset we can’t even begin to understand. Despite the vigorous disagreements between western people themselves, all of our diplomatic missions and military strategies and peacemaking efforts are built around our common way of being in the world. We reason as a people who believe that each person is valuable, that each human being has rights (though we disagree sometimes on what those rights are) merely by virtue of being alive. We do not share that with those who are now methodically and relentlessly lining up against us. No matter who our president is or what measures we take, we will never be able to go back to life before 9/11. Our eyes are open now; we just don’t seem to know what we’re looking at. At times like this, I am reminded that civilizations rise and fall, that throughout history, religious freedom has been the exception, not the rule. And I feel afraid.

Fear is paralyzing. I feel tired. I want to pull the figurative blankets up over my head and wait for the worst.

And then, I open my Bible.

I see the same struggles that we are facing today, reflected in words that have not lost their relevance over thousands of years. There on the pages, among stories of floods and wars, persecution and fear, from Babylonian times to the golden age of the Roman Empire, is the story of God’s romance with us, and His great gift to those He loves: the One who brought hope to the whole world for all time.

I am not the first one to feel the earth tremble. I am not the first one to be afraid, or worried, or helpless. The answer for me, for all of us, is the same as it’s always been. “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” (John 14:1) Jesus said that to His disciples, at a moment when all around them looked dark and terrifying, and yet God was at work, even then. Just like He is now.

You know what? I do feel better. Sometimes I guess I just need to be reminded of what I already know.

I think I’m ready to write about those brownies now. Or ooooh, maybe I should go in the kitchen and do a little “blog research” before I tackle that very important subject. I just have to find my brownie pan…

(Thanks for listening.)

24 responses »

  1. Yeah, well….don’t go shipping those brownies overseas in an attempt at bridging the gap between middle eastern nations. Them brownies is MINE! (He’s got the whole world in His hands. No power exists in this world but by His power.)

  2. Hey girl! So glad you’re back…and I loved your thoughts because they mirror mine very much! I wonder what kind of world we are leaving to our children and fear for them, for their freedoms – for my freedoms! But, I won’t get started because I’m sure Paul tells you about all of the latest new (and ridiculous) laws that are being levied in the technological world, which will affect us in one way or the other. Michael is my walking newspaper lately. But, just think of what we have to look forward to…it only gets worse for us as time goes on. So, what else can we do but trust in the One that knows every hair on our heads? I love that I have a (really big) shoulder to lean on, don’t you?

    Thanks for sharing!

  3. Welcome back.. The Bible is always the best source for inspiration when you find yorself in a rut. It is also the best source of fuel when things are going good too!

    Thanks for posting!

  4. AMEN!!! Oh, you so write exactly what’s going on in my head sometimes but far more articulately and concisely!! I worry about what we are leaving to the next generation, too, but I know that all of this ALL of it, has been in God’s hands since the very beginning and ya know what? He hasn’t done half bad. Lately I have been more consumed with what is my place in all of it. I feel so removed, so helpless, like I’m living outside my passion. I just don’t know what my passion is…

    Great post, Katrina. Thanks for this today.

  5. i love this post. thank you for this truth, and how true about being reminded about what we already know.

    you did that for me today!

  6. Hi! Just discovered your blog… How have I been blogging for two years and had no idea that there was another parenting blog in Coeur d’Alene?!

  7. I can’t believe that the things you posted were the same ones on my mind.

    Keep posting. It need not be all about the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees.

    Just post.

  8. wonderful. I like your serious and dark thoughts as well as your lighthearted ones. You are intelligent and honest, so keep it coming–keep it real.

  9. Katrina: Your blog is so delightful all the time but i have been waiting to hear something like this from you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts even though its not about brownies. I appreciate your word as they echo my own thoughts and fears.. Harvey and I are shaking our heads and looking at each other in confusion alot these days and I am afraid as well – but it is then that I too start hanging out in the word – mostly around the psalms.
    Reading your post makes me feel less alone and clueless and hopeless…
    Thanks again!

  10. Woohoo! Ham and brownies!

    Look, you do not have to blog about sunshine and light all the time. You can blog about darkness and scary crap and I think that is well in the scope of the Mom Blog.

    It’s good to know I’m not the only one who’s scared and feels like she’s waiting for a big big shoe to drop.

    Now. Onto those brownies.

  11. Thanks to everyone for your comments–it’s good to know there’s room for all of us here under the figurative blankets.

    Thomas–Of course you can! If I may ask, do you actually enjoy my blog, or are you just in it for the canned ham?

  12. There is nothing more satisfying and wonderful on this planet than Katrina’s brownies.


    As for faith in humanity… I saw a dad on the beach this summer that certainly gave me a leap of faith. His son (age 7 ?), and his son’s two friends, were trying to play on a little raft in the lake. I think the plan was to bring just ONE friend, but somehow the friend’s little brother came along, too, as there were only 2 life preservers and three boys. This man’s son gave his preserver to one of his friends, and he sat a turn out, watching from the shore. (Lessons one & two: sharing and patience) Of course, you can’t put a 7 yr old boy on the sidelines for too long before he gets anxious to play, and before he got one toe in the water, his dad warned him about the rules. (Lessons three & four: safety and discipline) He eventually got his turn on the raft, and *his dad went out in the water and played with him*, while the two friends both sat on the beach. (Family is important.)

    And just another quickie:
    I was on a park bench waiting for a bus one day, when a car drove up to the stop light. The mom put it in park, unbuckled and leaned back into the back seat to give her son a hug and a quick smooch.

    So long as there are parents like you, the world will be a better place for kids like us.

  13. Sometimes the ‘real you’ isn’t always the happy stuff. I would rather everyone chose to be the ‘real you’ and show us all that encompasses you and makes you up. That’s what makes a person real. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being vulnerable. How can we carry one another’s burdens if everybody pretends they don’t have any? Now I have a wonderful opportunity to lift you up before our most compassionate heavenly Father who knows exactly how you tick, what makes you laugh and what makes you cry. Your blogs are an inspiration, even the ‘lay everything on the table’ honest ones. You are not alone. I’m so glad to hear how God was able to help refocus you back on Himself and bring you peace in an extremely unpeaceful world.

  14. Eileen, I can’t believe you had that photo tucked away somewhere all this time! And if your kind words are just a ploy to get me to make you more brownies, it’s working.

  15. Heh.. of course. When it comes to digital anything, I’m a packrat.

    Besides, it was a very memorable birthday, and you helped make it so! 😀

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