Life is full of surprising twists, and never more so than when you share your home with children.
Their capacity to devise new and unique ways to drive you slowly out of your mind is boundless. (Perhaps that’s a resource the Pentagon should look into. There’s not a terrorist alive who wouldn’t crack under the torture of 648 episodes of The Wiggles played back to back.)
Children are also the world’s greatest scientists, and their experiments run to places where I would never have dreamed of putting up a baby gate (a thoroughly useless apparatus, anyway.) Which brings me to….
Sentences I Never Imagined Saying Before I Had Kids:
Don’t glue things to your brother.
Did you get this out of the sink or the toilet?
That’s not Barbie’s hairbrush; it’s for Mommy’s teeth.
Please take that out of the cat.
Smarties are NOT a fruit!
Why do you have on three pairs of underwear?
Where’s the rest of the Q-tip?
You can’t wear paper clothes to school, sweetie.
Let me get this straight…someone else peed your pants?