New Mooooon

I am the Ticketmaster.
At least, that’s what Jen called me today when I was collecting money from friends in preparation for buying movie tickets for everyone.
Now I have ten glossy cinema passes in my purse, and they all say “New Moon” on them.
Unfortunately, they also say “Saturday”.  Two whole days away.  There’s a big, silly [...]

Lub Dub, Lub Dub, Thud

Well, it turns out that Diet Coke is not trying to destroy me, after all.
It’s my DNA, that fiendish double helix.
I talked to my mom for a while today, and she told me that heart arrhythmia runs in the family.  Both she and her sister experienced different types of it, and they both eventually had [...]

Disturbing

I’m a meat eater, and proud of it.
I suffer no guilt whatsoever while devouring juicy steaks, savory chicken, or crackling bacon.  I can gnaw the meat off the bones of a whole rack of ribs with nary a pang of remorse.  I rarely ever spare a thought for the animals that make the ultimate sacrifice [...]

AAAAAaaaAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
*deep breath*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
…opened….cabinet…KING…..diet coke cans….falling….screaming….falling……
Never get into a war with Kathy.
She fights dirty.
*shudder*
Not cool.
*twitch*
*whimper*
Not cool at all.

War of the Cans

Well, well! Look what sprang up in Kathy’s classroom while she was away on a field trip to the pumpkin farm! If I had to guess, I’d say it’s similar in structure to ancient Mayan ruins. She may want to look and see if any of the science experiments germinating in her students’ desks have [...]

Monster Mash

The Monster Mash
Believe it or not, I’m Frankenstein.  A big thank you for this video to Kathy, who loves to disseminate unflattering pictures of me to the public at every opportunity.  It’s how she shows her love.

Don’t Read This, Kathy.

Okay, now that we’re alone, I have a question for you, readers.
In “Much Ado About Nothing”, Shakespeare called the constant skirmish of wits between Benedick and Beatrice a “merry war”.
I’m having a merry war right now with my friend, Kathy, except instead of words, we are using empty Diet Coke cans.
How did it start?  Well, [...]

Bits and Pieces

*  Caleb’s stuffed animals call me “Grandma”.  This I do not like.
*  Katie’s first ever dentist appointment was yesterday.  (Yes, at 10, she’s a little old for a first dental visit, but anxiety issues related to AS kept us from taking her before.)  I expected to have to hold her hand, but she surprised me.  [...]

10 Words That Are Fun to Say

1.  Pandemonium. Feeling proud of her innovative teaching methods, Katrina invited the spider monkey’s owner to bring him to class, revealing her deeply flawed understanding of both monkeys and first graders.  Pandemonium ensued.
2.  Cabal. The Strunkwhite Cabal was dedicated to destroying misspelled and mispunctuated signs wherever they occurred.  Despite their 30 year reign of terror, [...]

Self-Congratulatory

All summer I’ve been putting it off.  I’ve blithely skipped along, enjoying my days of fun and frolic, while the piled-up piles of stuff continued to pile up pile upon pile.  You see, in lieu of the missing junk drawer in our kitchen, we created a Junk Room, a room more charmingly known as “the [...]